Funeral wishes and informed funeral choices

Why your wishes matter, even though they aren't legally binding

Here's something many people don't know: your funeral instructions aren't legally binding. Citizens Advice explains that there's no legal obligation to follow them, but they usually are followed.

So the most important thing is that the right people know what you want, and can find it quickly. Funeral arrangements often start before anyone has looked closely at the will, so wishes written only in your will may be missed. Write them down separately as well, and tell your family and executors where they are.

And remember, it's not only about what you want. Clear wishes take the pressure off the people you love. They won't be left wondering “would Mum have wanted this?” while they're grieving.

The big choices

• Burial or cremation. This is usually the first big decision.
• A service, or not. You can choose a religious service, a non-religious or celebrant-led ceremony, a simple gathering, or no ceremony at all.
• Direct cremation. This is a cremation without a funeral service or mourners present. Some families then hold their own memorial or celebration of life later, wherever and whenever they like.
• Natural or woodland burial, if being close to nature matters to you.
• Where and when. A crematorium, a place of worship, a woodland site, a village hall or a family home can all be part of the day.
• Organ donation. In England, since 20 May 2020, adults are considered to have agreed to donate their organs when they die, unless they've recorded a decision not to or are in an excluded group. Wales has a similar system. Whatever you decide, record it on the NHS Organ Donor Register and tell your family, as they will still be involved.
• Donating your body to medical science. This has to be arranged in advance with a medical school. The Human Tissue Authority explains that written and witnessed consent must be given before death, and nobody else can give it for you afterwards. It's wise to have a back-up plan too, as not every donation can be accepted.

Choices you might not know you have

Many families don't realise how much choice they have. For example:

• You don't have to use a funeral director. Citizens Advice says you can arrange a funeral without one, and your local council's cemeteries and crematorium department can help. Most people do use one, and a good funeral director is a huge support.
• You can compare prices. Funeral directors are required to publish a standardised price list, under the Competition and Markets Authority's Funerals Market Investigation Order 2021. That makes it easier to compare like with like.
• You can mix and match. You might buy some things directly, such as flowers or catering, rather than through the funeral director.
• You can choose who leads the ceremony, from a faith leader to an independent celebrant to a family member.
• You can make it personal: your music, your readings, a dress code, family carrying the coffin, or a collection for a charity instead of flowers.
• Check that your funeral director belongs to a professional association, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors or SAIF. Citizens Advice points out that these associations have codes of practice and complaints procedures.

Writing your funeral wishes down

You don't need a special form. A page or two in your own words is perfect, and don't skip the small stuff. It's the little things that are the big things. Here's what to cover:

• Burial, cremation or direct cremation
• Where you'd like it to take place, and where you'd like to rest
• The type of ceremony, and who you'd like to lead it
• Music, readings, poems and any words you'd like said
• Flowers, or donations to a charity you care about
• What you'd like people to wear
• Who should be told, and invited
• Anything you definitely don't want
• Your wishes for your ashes, a headstone or a memorial
• Your decisions about organ or body donation
• Whether you have a funeral plan or insurance, and where the paperwork is
• A rough idea of what you'd like spent

Keep a copy with your other important papers, give one to your executor, and tell your family where it is. My guide “Creating a family handover folder” (link to /guides/family-handover-folder) shows you how to keep it all together.

Paying for a funeral

Money is often the biggest worry for families, so it helps to think about this now.

• Savings: Citizens Advice says you can ask the bank of the person who died to pay the funeral director's final invoice from their account, even if the accounts have been frozen.
• Insurance: check whether there's a life insurance policy that will help with funeral costs.
• Pre-paid funeral plans: since 29 July 2022, firms providing funeral plans must be authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA). Check the FCA register before you buy, and read exactly what is and isn't included.
• Help with costs: if the person arranging the funeral gets certain benefits, such as Universal Credit or Pension Credit, they may be able to get a Funeral Expenses Payment from the government. As well as specific burial or cremation costs, it can pay up to £1,000 for other expenses (gov.uk, October 2026). It won't usually cover everything, and you must apply within 6 months of the funeral.
• Children: the Children's Funeral Fund for England can help with some costs of a funeral for a child under 18, or a baby stillborn after 24 weeks, and you don't need to be on benefits to claim it.
• If there's no one to arrange a funeral, the local council or health authority will arrange a simple one.

MoneyHelper has free, impartial guidance on planning and paying for a funeral, and it's a good place to start before you buy anything.

Talking to your family about it

This is the bit most of us avoid. You don't have to do it all in one go. A few ideas that help:

• Start with something light: a song you'd love played, or a funeral you've been to that felt just right
• Pick a quiet moment, not a family crisis
• Be honest about why: “I want to make this easier for you”
• Write it down afterwards, so the conversation isn't wasted

If you'd like some help getting started, there's a free conversation starter guide on my website, “How to begin conversations about death”.

When to see a solicitor or professional

I'm not a solicitor or financial adviser. Please get professional help if:

• You want your funeral wishes recorded alongside your will, or a letter of wishes drafted
• Family members are likely to disagree about the funeral
• Someone will need to be taken to or from another country
• You're thinking about burial on private land (talk to your local council and get advice first)
• You're weighing up a funeral plan or insurance and want regulated financial advice
• You have a complaint about a funeral director (start with the firm, then its trade association)

Free resource: Conversation Starter guide

Writing your wishes down is one thing. Telling your family is often the harder bit. My free Conversation Starter guide gives you easy ways to begin 'the chat' without it feeling so awkward, so your wishes are heard as well as written down.

More guides from Your Final Matters

• Practical later-life planning before you see a solicitor → link to /guides/later-life-planning-before-you-see-a-solicitor
• Organising your ageing parents' information → link to /guides/organising-ageing-parents-information
• Digital legacy and digital assets → link to /guides/digital-legacy-and-digital-assets
• Preparing executors and attorneys for their role → link to /guides/preparing-executors-and-attorneys
• Sandwich-generation family planning → link to /guides/sandwich-generation-family-planning
• Business blind spots for sole traders and microbusinesses → link to /guides/business-blind-spots-for-sole-traders
• Creating a family handover folder → link to /guides/family-handover-folder
• Turning good intentions into completed actions → link to /guides/turning-good-intentions-into-completed-actions