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How to organise your ageing parents' information

Organising your ageing parents' information means gathering their key documents, accounts, contacts and wishes into one place, with their agreement, before there's a crisis. This guide is for adult children in the UK who want a clear, practical place to start. I'm Caro Syson, and this is the groundwork I help families with at Your Final Matters in Hertfordshire.

Why it's worth doing now, not in a crisis

Most of us only find out how little we know about our parents' affairs when something goes wrong. A fall, say, or a sudden stay in hospital. Suddenly you're the one on the phone to the bank, the GP surgery and the council, trying to answer questions you never thought to ask.

Here's the thing that surprises a lot of families: being someone's son or daughter doesn't, on its own, give you the legal right to manage their money or make decisions for them if they lose mental capacity. That needs the right arrangements in place, such as a lasting power of attorney (LPA).

When I helped my own mum with her later-life planning, I was amazed by how many strands there were to pull together. Powers of attorney. Her will. Funeral wishes. Pensions. Finances. Doing it while she still had a voice and a choice meant everything. Her wishes are clear, and the people she loves won't be left guessing.

Start with a conversation, not a pile of paperwork

This is their information and their life. The aim is to help them, not to take over. A few things make the first conversation easier:

  • Pick a quiet moment. Not straight after a health scare, and not at a big family gathering.
  • Make it about you first. "I've been sorting out my own paperwork and it made me wonder…" feels much less threatening than "We need to talk about when you die."
  • Ask, don't tell. "If you were ill, who would you want to help with your bills?" invites them to decide.
  • Do one topic at a time. Health one week, money the next. Little and often beats one exhausting afternoon.
  • Keep brothers and sisters in the loop. It avoids the feeling that one person is "taking charge" of Mum or Dad's affairs.

If they're not ready, that's OK. Plant the seed and come back to it. Often the second conversation goes far better than the first.

What information to gather: a practical checklist

You don't need copies of everything on day one. Start with where things are and who to contact. Here's the checklist I use, grouped so it feels manageable.

Personal and health

  • Full name, date of birth and where their passport, driving licence and birth or marriage certificates are kept
  • National Insurance number and NHS number (or where to find them)
  • GP surgery, regular medications, allergies and any hospital consultants
  • Hearing aids, glasses, mobility aids and who services them

Money and property

  • Banks and building societies (account names and where statements go, not PINs or passwords)
  • Savings, investments and Premium Bonds
  • Pensions: State Pension, workplace and private pensions, with provider names
  • Any benefits they receive, such as Attendance Allowance
  • Mortgage or rent, council tax, utilities and regular direct debits
  • Home, car, life and funeral plan insurance policies
  • Any money they owe, such as loans or credit cards

Legal documents

  • Their will: does one exist, when was it made, and where is the original?
  • Lasting powers of attorney (or an older enduring power of attorney) and who the attorneys are
  • Property deeds or Land Registry details

People, digital life and wishes

  • Key contacts: solicitor, accountant, financial adviser, neighbours, close friends, faith leader
  • Email accounts, phone, online banking and social media (who knows how to get in, and what they'd want to happen)
  • Care wishes: where they'd want to live if they needed more help
  • Funeral wishes, if they're happy to talk about them
  • Pets: who would look after them

Check which legal arrangements already exist

This is the part families most often get wrong, simply because nobody checked.

  • A will. Find out whether there is one and where the original is kept. GOV.UK says a will can be kept at home or stored with a solicitor, a bank, a will storage company or the Probate Service, and that the executor or a close friend or relative should be told where it is.
  • Lasting powers of attorney. There are two types: health and welfare, and property and financial affairs. An LPA must be registered with the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG) before it can be used. At the time of writing, GOV.UK says registration costs £92 per LPA (unless they qualify for a reduction or exemption) and takes 8 to 10 weeks if there are no mistakes.
  • Not sure if there's an LPA? You can ask the OPG to search its registers to see whether someone has an attorney or deputy acting for them. GOV.UK says the search is free and the OPG aims to reply within 5 working days.

If a parent has already lost mental capacity and there's no LPA, family members can apply to the Court of Protection to become a deputy. That's a court process and much more involved, which is why I always encourage families to look at LPAs while everyone is well.

Everyday permissions that make helping easier

Some help doesn't need an LPA at all. These are worth knowing about while your parents are still managing well:

  • GP and NHS App access. GP surgeries can give a trusted person secure access to help with someone's prescriptions and appointments. The NHS calls this family and carer access, or proxy access. Ask their surgery.
  • HMRC trusted helper. You can register online as a trusted helper to help a relative with their Income Tax and personal tax account. They then accept your registration.
  • DWP appointee. If a parent can no longer manage their own benefits, one person can apply to the Department for Work and Pensions to act as their appointee.
  • Their bank. Ask what the bank offers for someone who wants help managing their account. Each bank has its own process.
  • Message in a Bottle. The Lions Clubs scheme keeps basic personal and medical details in a bottle in the fridge, where emergency services know to look.
  • The Herbert Protocol. If a parent has dementia, Hertfordshire Constabulary suggests filling in a Herbert Protocol form. It holds the details police would need if they ever went missing.

Where to keep it all

One place. That's the whole secret. I call it an "Everything You Need To Know" folder: a single folder (paper, digital or both) that tells the family what exists and where to find it.

  • Keep original legal documents somewhere safe, and note in the folder where they are.
  • Never write PINs or passwords on a list that sits in a drawer. Note how to access things, such as a password manager with emergency access.
  • Never put passwords in a will. Once probate is granted, a will becomes a public document that anyone can order a copy of.
  • Make sure at least two trusted people know the folder exists and how to get to it.

My guide to Creating a family handover folder walks you through building one, step by step.

Keep it up to date

Information goes stale quickly. Banks merge, GPs change and phone numbers move on. Pick one date a year to review it together. A birthday or the New Year works well. Update it straight away after big changes, like a house move, a new diagnosis or a bereavement.

When to see a solicitor or professional

Getting organised is the first step, not the last. Please speak to a qualified professional if:

  • a parent wants to make or change a will, especially if there's property, a second marriage, a business, or family members who might disagree
  • you're unsure whether a parent has the mental capacity to make an LPA
  • there's no LPA and a parent can no longer make decisions (a solicitor can advise on deputyship)
  • there are questions about care home fees, inheritance tax or gifting money (a regulated financial adviser can help)
  • you're worried someone is being financially taken advantage of

Free, trustworthy places to start include GOV.UK, the Office of the Public Guardian, MoneyHelper, Citizens Advice and Age UK. In Hertfordshire, Carers in Hertfordshire and Hertfordshire County Council's adult care services can help if you're becoming a carer.

Frequently asked questions

Can I manage my mum's or dad's bank account if they become ill?

Not automatically. If they can still make their own decisions, they can give you permission or ask their bank what it offers. If they lose mental capacity, you'd normally need a registered lasting power of attorney, or a court-appointed deputyship if there's no LPA.

How do I find out if my parent has a lasting power of attorney?

Ask them first, and look for the paperwork. If you're still unsure, you can ask the Office of the Public Guardian to search its registers. GOV.UK says this is free.

What's the first thing I should gather?

A list of where things are and who to contact: their will, any LPAs, banks, pensions, GP, and two or three key people. You can add the detail later.

How much does an LPA cost?

At the time of writing, GOV.UK says registering an LPA costs £92 per LPA unless your parent qualifies for a reduction or exemption. There are two types, so making both means two fees. Check GOV.UK for the current fee.

What if my parent doesn't want to talk about it?

Don't force it. Start with your own planning, ask one small question at a time, and come back to it. Making it about their choices, not your worries, usually helps.

Should I keep a list of my parents' passwords?

No. Never keep PINs or passwords on a written list. Record how to get into accounts instead, for example through a password manager with emergency access, and never put passwords in a will.

Free resource: Conversation Starter guide

The hardest part is often just starting the chat with Mum or Dad. My free Conversation Starter guide gives you easy ways to open the conversation, so it feels less awkward for all of you and less like you're taking over.

Get my free Conversation Starter guide →

How Your Final Matters can help

I'm not a solicitor or a financial adviser, and I don't give legal or financial advice. What I do is the practical groundwork: helping you get everything together and think through your decisions, so that when you do see a professional you arrive prepared, not overwhelmed.

At Your Final Matters in Hatfield, Hertfordshire, I run practical, non-legal workshops where you build your own "Everything You Need To Know" folder, with checklists and trusted free resources. Many people come to sort their own affairs and leave knowing exactly how to help their parents too.

I also give talks to community groups and run lunch-and-learn sessions for employers, because so many working people are quietly supporting an ageing parent.

See upcoming workshops →Find out more about Your Final Matters →

About the author

Caro Syson, founder, Your Final Matters, Hatfield

Caro Syson is the founder of Your Final Matters, based in Hatfield, Hertfordshire. She has spent 35 years in business across financial services, property, software and healthcare, has worked in the NHS and trained as an independent funeral celebrant with the Academy of Modern Celebrancy (AMC). She started Your Final Matters after helping her own mum, now 92, with her later-life planning. Your Final Matters was honoured in the Best New Business category at the Best Business Women Awards. Caro is not a solicitor or financial adviser: she gives practical, non-legal help and points people to the right professional when they need one.

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