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Sandwich-generation planning: caring for your parents and your children at the same time

Sandwich-generation planning means getting the practical side of family life organised when you're supporting ageing parents and your own children at the same time. This guide is for busy adults in the UK who want a simple plan that covers both generations and themselves. I'm Caro Syson of Your Final Matters in Hertfordshire, and I've lived this juggle myself.

What is the sandwich generation?

The "sandwich generation" is the term for people in mid-life who are squeezed between two sets of responsibilities: children (of any age) on one side and ageing parents on the other. Add a job, a relationship and your own health, and it feels less like a sandwich and more like an all-day breakfast. Sadly without the meal deal.

I know this one personally. I'm a single mum of four, and I spent the last few years helping my own mum, now 92, sort her will, powers of attorney, funeral wishes, pension and finances, while running a business. I was that woman, juggling everything and trying to work out where to start.

The good news is that a little planning takes a lot of the pressure off. You don't need to do it all at once. You need a plan that covers three groups of people: your parents, your children and you.

Step 1: Draw a one-page family map

Before any paperwork, get it all out of your head and onto one sheet of paper. It's the quickest way to see where the pressure really is.

  • Who depends on whom? Parents, children, a partner, perhaps an aunt or neighbour who relies on you too.
  • Who helps? Siblings, partners, grandchildren, friends, paid carers.
  • What's coming up? Exams, hospital appointments, house moves, retirements, birthdays.
  • What would happen if you were out of action for a month? This question is the one that shows you the gaps.

Step 2: Your parents' side

Start by finding out what already exists, at their pace and with their agreement. My guide to Organising your ageing parents' information has the full checklist. The essentials are:

  • Their will. Is there one, and where is the original?
  • Lasting powers of attorney (LPAs). There are two types, health and welfare, and property and financial affairs. Being their child doesn't automatically let you manage their money or make decisions if they lose mental capacity. At the time of writing, GOV.UK says registering an LPA costs £92 per LPA and takes 8 to 10 weeks if there are no mistakes.
  • Key information in one place. Banks, pensions, GP, medications and key contacts.
  • Everyday permissions. GP surgeries can set up family and carer (proxy) access, and HMRC has a "trusted helper" service for tax.

Support for you as a carer

If you're regularly helping a parent, you're a carer, even if you'd never call yourself one. That opens doors:

  • A carer's assessment. It's free, and anyone over 18 who cares for someone can ask their local council for one. In Hertfordshire, the county council says you can call 0800 6444 101 to request one.
  • Carers in Hertfordshire. A charity offering free support to carers who live, work or care in Hertfordshire. Its Carer Support Advisory team is on 01992 58 69 69.
  • An "in case of emergency" plan. Hertfordshire County Council helps carers create one, so someone knows what to do if you suddenly can't be there.
  • Tell your GP you're a carer. The council recommends it.
  • Carer's Allowance. At the time of writing, GOV.UK says you could get £86.45 a week if you care for someone for at least 35 hours a week and they get certain benefits. Earnings and other rules apply, so check GOV.UK.
  • Carer's Credit. If you care for someone for at least 20 hours a week, you may get National Insurance credits to protect your State Pension. Your income and savings don't affect whether you can get it.

Step 3: Your children's side

  • Guardians. GOV.UK says your will should set out who should look after any children under 18. Without a will, you haven't had your say on this, and the law decides who inherits.
  • Who's named where. Check who is named on your life insurance, any death-in-service benefit at work and your pension. You usually tell a pension provider who you'd like to receive your pension by completing an "expression of wish" form.
  • Grown-up children. Once your children turn 18, they're adults in law. They can make their own will and their own LPAs, which is worth a conversation when they leave home or go to university.
  • Practical cover. Who would do the school run, feed the dog or sit with Grandma if you were in hospital for a week? Write it down.

Step 4: Your own side (the step most people skip)

When you're busy looking after everyone else, your own planning slips to the bottom of the list. But you're the person holding it all together. If life threw you a curveball from nowhere, two generations would be affected at once.

Step 5: Work and money

Many sandwich-generation carers are also working. Know your rights as an employee in Great Britain:

  • Flexible working. GOV.UK says employees can request flexible working from their first day in a job. Employers must deal with requests in a reasonable manner, but can refuse for a good business reason.
  • Carer's leave. Since April 2024, employees can take up to one week of unpaid carer's leave every 12 months, from their first day, to give or arrange care for a dependant with a long-term care need, including care needs because of old age.
  • Time off for dependants. You're allowed a reasonable amount of time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant, such as a parent or child. Your employer doesn't have to pay you for it.
  • Check your employer's own policies. Some offer more, such as paid carer's leave or a carers' network.

Step 6: Share the load

In so many families, one person quietly becomes the default organiser. It's rarely agreed. It just happens. If that's you, it's OK to ask for help.

  • Split jobs by strength: the sibling who's good with numbers takes the bills, the one nearby takes appointments.
  • Keep shared information in one place everyone can see, so it doesn't all live in your head.
  • Hold a short family check-in every few months. Twenty minutes on a video call is enough.

Step 7: Look after yourself

You can't pour from an empty cup. Book the breaks before you need them, and say yes when help is offered. Carers' support services are there for you too. A carer's assessment can look at what would make your life easier, including a break from caring.

When to see a solicitor or professional

  • Making or updating a will, especially with children under 18, a blended family, property or a business
  • Setting up trusts for children, or questions about life insurance written in trust
  • Concerns about a parent's mental capacity, or a parent who has lost capacity without an LPA
  • Care home fees, inheritance tax or gifting money (a regulated financial adviser can help)
  • Problems with an employer over flexible working or carer's leave (Acas and Citizens Advice can help)

Frequently asked questions

What does sandwich generation mean?

It describes people, usually in mid-life, who are supporting ageing parents and their own children at the same time, often while working.

Am I a carer if I just help my mum with shopping and bills?

Yes, you may well be. The NHS says carers include people who help with shopping, paying bills, getting to appointments or giving emotional support. You can ask your council for a free carer's assessment.

Can I get time off work to look after my parents?

Employees can take up to one week of unpaid carer's leave every 12 months and a reasonable amount of time off for emergencies. You can also request flexible working from your first day in a job.

Who looks after my children if something happens to me?

Your will should set out who you'd want to look after any children under 18. A solicitor can help you make sure this is done properly.

What should I sort first?

Your own will and the basic information for your parents. Then work through LPAs for everyone, one at a time.

Where can I get help as a carer in Hertfordshire?

Carers in Hertfordshire offers free support to carers, and Hertfordshire County Council can arrange a carer's assessment.

Free resource: Dying without a Will guide

When you're looking after everyone else, your own will is the easiest thing to put off. My free 'Dying without a Will' guide shows who would inherit your money, home and belongings if you died without one. If you have children, or a partner you're not married to, it's well worth a quick read.

Get my free 'Dying without a Will' guide →

How Your Final Matters can help

I'm not a solicitor or a financial adviser, and I don't give legal or financial advice. What I do is the practical groundwork: helping you get everything together and think through your decisions, so that when you do see a professional you arrive prepared, not overwhelmed.

At Your Final Matters in Hatfield, Hertfordshire, I run practical, non-legal workshops where you build your own "Everything You Need To Know" folder, and leave knowing how to help your parents with theirs. One half-day workshop covers two generations.

I also run lunch-and-learn sessions for employers, because sandwich-generation staff are often quietly juggling caring alongside work. A short, practical session can make a real difference to them.

See upcoming workshops →Find out more about Your Final Matters →

About the author

Caro Syson, founder, Your Final Matters, Hatfield

Caro Syson is the founder of Your Final Matters, based in Hatfield, Hertfordshire. She has spent 35 years in business across financial services, property, software and healthcare, has worked in the NHS and trained as an independent funeral celebrant with the Academy of Modern Celebrancy (AMC). She started Your Final Matters after helping her own mum, now 92, with her later-life planning. Your Final Matters was honoured in the Best New Business category at the Best Business Women Awards. Caro is not a solicitor or financial adviser: she gives practical, non-legal help and points people to the right professional when they need one.

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