How do I talk to ageing parents about wills and powers of attorney?

Start small, start with yourself, and ask rather than tell. Choose a quiet moment, explain why it matters to you, and ask open questions such as "Have you got a will, and do you know where it is?" or "Who would you want to make decisions if you couldn't?". The aim is to understand their wishes, not to take over. I'm Caro Syson of Your Final Matters in Hertfordshire, and I help families have exactly this conversation.

Why this conversation matters

Many people assume that next of kin can step in if a parent becomes ill. They can't manage a parent's bank accounts or make health and care decisions just because they're family. That needs a registered lasting power of attorney (LPA), and an LPA can only be made while your parent still has mental capacity.

A will matters too. Without one, the law decides who inherits, which may not match what your parent wants.

The conversation is far easier while everyone is well. I learned that helping my own mum in her 90s: doing it while she still had a voice and a choice meant her wishes are clear.

How to start

Pick your moment. A quiet cup of tea at home, a walk or a drive often works better than a big family gathering or straight after a health scare.
Start with yourself. "I've been sorting out my own will and it got me thinking…" feels much less threatening.
Use a news story or a friend's experience. "Did you hear what happened when Sue's dad went into hospital?"
Ask, don't tell. Open questions help your parent stay in charge.
Expect more than one conversation. It's fine to stop and come back to it.

Questions you could ask

Have you got a will? When did you last look at it, and where is it kept?
Who have you chosen as your executors?
Have you made lasting powers of attorney, for money and for health and care?
If you couldn't make decisions for yourself, who would you want to do it?
Is there anything you'd want us to know about your wishes for care, or for your funeral?
Where would we find your bank, pension and insurance details if we needed them?

If they push back

It's normal for a parent to say "I'm not ready" or "I'll sort it". Try:

reassuring them it's about respecting their wishes, not taking control,
suggesting one small step, such as writing down where the will is,
offering to go with them to see a solicitor, or to a workshop together,
asking someone they trust, such as a sibling or friend, to raise it.

Practical next steps

Wills: a solicitor or regulated will writer can draw one up. GOV.UK explains what a valid will needs.
Lasting powers of attorney: there are two types, one for property and financial affairs and one for health and welfare. They're made and registered with the Office of the Public Guardian, online or on paper.
Information: gather the key documents, accounts and contacts in one place, with your parent's agreement.

My free Conversation Starter Guide, on the Resources page, has more ideas for opening the subject.

How I can help

I'm not a solicitor, and I don't give legal advice. I help families understand the options and get organised before they see a professional. Some people come to a workshop with their parent, so they hear the same information together. Others book one-to-one support for the whole family.

Book the half-day workshop →Ask about one-to-one support →

When is the right time to talk about wills and LPAs?

While your parent is well and can make their own decisions. An LPA can only be made while someone has mental capacity, so it's better not to wait for a crisis.

Can I make an LPA for my parent?

No. Your parent has to make it themselves while they have capacity. You can help them with the forms and the conversation, and they choose their attorneys.

What if my parent doesn't have capacity any more?

If there's no LPA, family may need to apply to the Court of Protection to become a deputy. GOV.UK explains how. A solicitor can advise on your situation.

Please note

This guide is general education to help you get organised. It isn't legal or financial advice. For advice on your own situation, speak to a solicitor or a regulated financial adviser.

More guides from Your Final Matters

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Sources

GOV.UK: Make, register or end a lasting power of attorney: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney
GOV.UK: Making a will: https://www.gov.uk/make-will
GOV.UK: Deputies: make decisions for someone who lacks capacity: https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy
GOV.UK: Who inherits if someone dies without a will: https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will
Age UK: Power of attorney: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/